God's gift has put my best dream to shame...

"God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame."  - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

I saw this quote the other day and thought how appropriate it was for my life. The gift of Garon is greater than I could have ever imagined and I am forever humbled by his perfect plan for our lives.

I usually consider my letters to Garon very personal but I thought I'd share this one with you...but first a few pictures of our sweet boy...













March 10, 2011

Dear Garon,

My sweet, sweet boy, you are 3 months old today. I have no idea where the time has gone since that wonderful Friday morning that you were born. I can still remember the phone call as though it was yesterday. It still seems like a dream that you are our sweet little miracle! I treasure every day that we have together and look forward to all the days to come and the memories we will make.

Part of me misses the sleepy, cuddly newborn that you were but I also love this personality of yours that shows more and more each day. I want you to grow and develop because that is what you are supposed to do; but, part of me wants to keep you as my tiny baby forever. My favorite part of the day is 10-11 p.m. I feed you your nighttime bottle and we snuggle until I put you in your bed around 11. You lay on my chest and you make the sweetest noises I have ever heard.

We have settled into the best routine with you. You eat at 10, 2, & 6. And…you sleep through the night! Sometimes Daddy even has to wake you up for your 6 a.m. bottle! You are not a morning person at all and I think that’s great because I’m not either!!! So we sleep in on Saturday mornings! However, I’m sure that will change!

You have made quite a few milestones since we brought you home from the hospital. You now smile, laugh and babble ALL the time. You will talk to anyone who will listen and you love for everyone to talk to you. You are such a friendly and happy baby and everyone who has met you loves your personality. Your favorite things to do are: getting your diaper changed (we have the best conversations on the changing table), playing on your jungle gym and swinging in your swing. You are holding your head up very well and you love looking around and soaking up all your surroundings. You have also started trying to roll over. You have made it to your side but not quite all the way over. I expect you to master that any day now. Your bib is your favorite toy and you play with it all the time.

You have also settled in at “Sharon’s Baby Boot Camp!” Of course, it really is just her home daycare. You are the only infant she is keeping right now so you are getting very spoiled at her house too! You love watching the toddlers play and very soon you will join them. Your little cousin Peyton will be joining you in May so you’ll have to show him the ropes. You could not be in a better place while I’m at work but I still HATE the fact that I can’t stay at home with you. I feel like I’m missing so much of your life by spending 40 hours a week at work. So I try to spend as much time as I can with you in the evenings and on weekends.

You haven’t been out in public a lot but the times we have taken you out you have been really good. But you aren’t very fond of your car seat so sometimes you fuss about that. You have never been to Wal-Mart and I’m not sure when I’ll be ready to take you there. I just don’t want you to get sick. I’m still not ready to leave you in the nursery at church so I haven’t been since we brought you home. I’m going to try to take you this Sunday but I think I’ll just let you sit with us and see how that goes.

Your new bedding is on your bed now and it is the cutest ever! I’m also having a window pane picture frame made for you but it’s not quite ready. So your room is coming together, slowly but surely!

You have no idea how much you are loved…by me, your daddy and all of your extended family. I can’t imagine what my life would be like today without you…and I wouldn’t trade you for a biological child…ever! You are my sweet boy, my monkey, my Garon-bug. I love you more and more each day. You have brought a light to my life that I could never have imagined before. Being your mommy is the greatest privilege I have ever received.

I love you to the moon and back!
Mama

First Month of Mommyhood...

Today completes my first month as a mommy and I'm still in shock! It all still seems like a sweet dream and I just haven't woken up yet! We are still in our bonding process. I imagine our bonding experience is somewhat different from biological mothers and children. But every mother has to get to know her baby whether he is adopted or biological. So we are still getting acquainted and we are enjoying every moment.


We have learned these things about him: He has quite a temper when he is hungry...he must have learned this from me! I get grumpy when I'm hungry too! He hates taking a bath...even after I bought him a new bath tub he still hates it. He loves his swing...it's his favorite toy! He doesn't usually mind having his diaper changed unless it takes longer than he thinks it should. He loves to snuggle. He likes Bo (Pepper keeps his distance so Garon may not even know Pepper exists)!


Garon was 1 month old yesterday and he doesn't really look like a newborn anymore. He is extremely alert when he is awake and has grown so much. He's my little piggy...we had to bump him up to 5 oz. yesterday because he kept crying after we finished feeding him 4 oz. Dr. Smith also changed his formula yesterday because he has been having tummy troubles for the past week or so. Hopefully the change will make him feel better. Even though he's a great eater, he's still small. His newborn clothes still fit but some of them are getting a little short on him. He has long legs!!!


We are so thankful we were able to share this Christmas with him and to share him with our families. This was truly the best Christmas ever! Dr. Smith would have a fit if he knew we had him out all day Christmas! He gave us strict orders to keep him home away from crowds, sick people and kids. I have no problem following those orders but we had to spend Christmas with our families! That being said, we aren't going to be taking him anywhere until flu season is over. I just can't stand the thought of our sweet baby being sick...especially while he's so little.


I feel like the most blessed person in the world to be Garon's mom. It's still so hard to believe all this happened so quickly and so perfectly! God is so good and He is the only reason we have our sweet baby boy! We already love him so much and I can only imagine how much our love for him will continue to grow each day!

Everyone keeps asking where we got his name. Well, a secretary at my high school's last name was Garren and I always thought it was a pretty last name. Then, one of Jason's co-worker's is named Garon. They are from the same German root. Garren/Garon is actually a surname but I think it works beautifully as a first name. Another little bit of trivia about Garon is that it was Elvis Presley's twin brother's middle name...His name was Jesse Garon. But really, we just really liked the name because it is not very common and we have a very special, unique little boy! So Garon seemed to fit!


This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 1 John 4:10

Adoption Story - Part Two

Wow...so much has happened since I posted Part 1 of our adoption story. We discussed and prayed about some controversial issues, God has spoken to us loud and clear, we had a few bumps in the road, and we traveled 1,500 miles across the country to get our tiny baby boy. So, here is Part 2...


I suppose I'll start with the controversial part. My doctor suggested we use a sperm donor since we don't think I have any fertility problems (although I do have endometriosis - it is not severe). I have always been extremely against this, period. But my doctor had a very valid point - we could control the prenatal care and the baby would at least be 1/2 me. And using a sperm donor would cost $5,000 versus the roughly $30,000 fee for domestic adoption. So, we decided to pray about it and see what God had to say. Of course, I asked for a bright, blinking neon sign. Sometimes God sends those and sometimes He speaks in a still, small voice. I had no idea how He would respond to this prayer but He definitely responded. The next Sunday in church Bro. Buddy's sermon was on marriage and how there is not room for 3 people in a marriage. Well, using a sperm donor adds a third person. I don't want a third person in my marriage. Then, out of the blue I picked up the Home Life magazine on the way out of church and there was a long article on adoption. I had never picked up the magazine before. So, I think it was pretty clear God was speaking to me about our decision. This was the first time I remember God speaking that loudly to me. But still, I kept thinking maybe God would tell me something differently...mainly because of the money. But He kept speaking to me in His still, small voice that adoption was the right road for us. Although, I didn't get a burning bush, God still spoke very clearly to me. So, we decided to stick with the adoption plan. I know God is bigger than any issue we may have and we prayed that God would set aside the perfect baby for us, that God would protect his parents and him, and that he would inherit the best of both of them. God is bigger than prenatal care, or the lack thereof. "And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice." (I Kings 19:11-12).

In August, we needed one last step to complete our home study - the Newborn Education Class. I tried to schedule a private one at a local hospital but I never could get the lady to call me back. So I finally called another hospital and a lady there helped me find a hospital in town that offers the class. I called that hospital and they were offering the class that night - otherwise we'd have to wait until October. So, we went that night and we had a great time - so much more fun than we ever thought it would be! God worked that out for us too...He knew we didn't need to wait until October! By September we were officially on the active waiting families list at Heart to Heart. The social worker told us our wait would be shorter because we were open to either boy or girl. She said the waiting list for a girl was long and 2010 was the year for boys. We still had no idea how short our wait would be! We got quite a shock when she told us what the fee was for a Caucasian baby. We thought the range on their website was based on how much care the baby's mother required but it isn't...it's based on the race of the child. We wanted a Caucasian baby because we wanted the child to feel as much a part of our family as possible and it not be obvious to the whole world that he is adopted. That being said, all babies of all races deserve a good home. But like our social worker said, each adoptive family needs to go the route they are most comfortable with. There are enough bumps in the road without making the road any more rough. So we were $10,000 short and that didn't include our travel expenses (flight, hotel, etc). We almost backed out and told the agency we would have to wait until we could save some more money but God took care of the money we lacked. When God has a plan, nothing will deter the fulfillment of that plan. He already knew when and where we would go and who our baby would be. He knows the end from the beginning...He sits outside time. "Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me. I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please." (Isaiah 46:9-10).


In October, our agency called about 3 different birthmothers - all three expecting baby boys. The first birthmother chose another family. The second decided to parent. The third wanted to talk to us and another family. We talked them and our conversation went great. We talked about everything from weather to what they looked like, their hobbies, and their families. We didn't know if they would choose us or not but we were thankful for the experience of talking to them. Then our social worker called and they wanted to talk to us one more time before they made their decision. So we talked to them a week later and they chose us on Nov. 11. His due date was Dec. 10 - less than a month away. His mother had been receiving prenatal care, no drugs/alcohol/smoking and both parents were willing to sign the termination of parental rights - God took care of those worries! We were very excited - cautious - but excited. Then, our social worker went out of town for a couple of weeks and no one at the agency was able to really talk to our birthmother. It was really beginning to look like she was going to change her mind. If she changed her mind we would just go back on the list but we would also lose some money. I was really concerned about that because we couldn't afford to lose a lot. But then one of the girls filling in for our social worker told me that we would only lose what they had actually spent on our birthmother, not half of the adoption fee (which was what I thought). Then, the following Monday, our social worker called and said our birthmother still wanted to place her son with us. We were still somewhat anxious and didn't want to fly out until she signed the papers. Then Wednesday, she called back and said he would be born Friday (on his due date). Finally, Friday came and he was born, a happy and healthy 7 pounds and 19.5 inches, ten fingers and ten toes. We then flew to AZ on Sunday to get him. It was the most surreal experience of my entire life. God was there and everything was perfect. Her room number was my birthday and we adopted him on my dad's birthday. Grandma would have been tickled! Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. (Hebrews 11:1)


We stayed in AZ for 10 days. They went by really fast. I would never have dreamed they would go by really fast but they did. Our days revolved around him and we were constantly doing something for him. We stayed in an Extended Stay America Hotel which provided a small kitchenette and washeteria. I think we spent $30 washing clothes during those 10 days. We met with our baby's birthparents three times. It was a true blessing to meet them and get to know them as real people. One day we will be able to tell our son all about them. We got to see a part of the country we had never seen before. I had never seen the desert or mountains with cacti on them. The mountains really are purple at sunset! And God was there. Then we flew home on Dec. 22 - over the Grand Canyon (which we couldn't see for the clouds) and the Great Salt Lake into SLC. We saw the most beautiful snow covered mountains from the SLC airport. Then flew across Utah, Colorado, Kansas, Oklahoma, and Arkansas into Memphis, then home. God was there too. "...And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (Matthew 28:20)


For months I had been so sure this was God's plan for us. Then, my faith really started to falter when we thought our birthmother was going to change her mind. I'm so ashamed of that. But God fulfilled his promise. We have our baby boy and he's our perfect gift from God. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

I hope our story touches your heart and you can see how God has blessed us throughout the entire adoption process. I have seen more of God's handiwork this year than I have in my entire life. He is still very busy and it's an incredible testament of how much He loves His children. I firmly believe the fertility options would have failed. But if they hadn't we wouldn't have this child and we wouldn't trade him for the world. God has turned infertility into a beautiful, indescribable blessing for us. This child is our son that God hand-picked for us. He has a very special plan for this little boy's life and I'm beyond blessed to be his mother.

Two Becomes Three

Wow...what an adventure! We traveled 1500 miles across the country to get our sweet baby boy. I can't believe how fast time is already flying by. We never imagined we would be parents so quickly. The average wait time for a Caucasian baby at our agency is 8-12 months. We brought our baby boy home 3 short months after being on the waiting list.


On that very first Christmas 2,000 years ago, God gave me His Son. This year He gave me mine. God has a very special plan for our little boy and we look forward to all God has in store for him and us. God has done immeasurably more than we could ever have imagined!

"He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." Ephesians 3:20

Raising another woman's child...

I find the whole concept of "raising another woman's child" more than daunting. For various reasons (mainly because God leads her to), she will choose us to raise her son or daughter. But she is and will always be his or her first mother. I often think about this very courageous, selfless woman who will willingly choose us to raise her child. I don't know what she looks like, where she lives, or what her personality is like but I do know she loves her baby and is choosing what is best for him or her. And I think that makes her an incredible person and an ever better mother. I consider myself more than honored to meet her and raise her child. She is giving us a gift from God that we could not receive otherwise. She is my hero.


Sadly, society has labeled birthmothers as women who abandon their children. I hear all too often: "I could never give up my baby." None of the people I have heard say that have ever walked a mile in a birthmother's shoes. And she is not "giving it up" or abandoning him or her. She is entrusting her child with another family to provide a life for him or her that she is not capable of doing at the present time. Birthmother's are not bad women or neglectful mothers. Yes, some of them have made bad choices, but who hasn't made bad choices? All of our choices have rewards or consequences. A baby may be a consequence of her actions but is certainly not a mistake. God made her baby just like He has made every other baby and God NEVER makes mistakes. I truly believe God will bless her beyond measure for choosing life for her baby instead of abortion. And I will be blessed to meet her, witness her courage and raise and love her child.


Our case worker at the adoption agency told me that most of their birthmothers already have one or more children and simply cannot afford to care for another one. So, courageously, they select an adoptive family to raise their baby. These women are not necessarily drug addicts, prostitutes or promiscuous women, or neglectful/abusive mothers. Remember, these women are freely placing their baby for adoption - NOT having their parental rights terminated. They have not done anything to warrant their child being taken from them. They are simply choosing a better life for their child than they can give them. I think that is selflessness epitomized.


Everyone has opinions, good or bad. I have heard more than my share of those since we began this adoption process. Society is so misinformed about adoption and birthmothers. I have heard more than one person say: "you don't want a baby from that kind of mother." "That kind" ranges from past drug abuse to not practicing safe sex. If someone judged my child on all of my past mistakes, they might not want mine either. In God's eyes her sins are no worse than mine. I see a woman who has made mistakes in the past but is trying to make good choices now. That is something I struggle with all the time. So, regardless of her past, there is a brand new life growing inside her that God miraculously created. When, I consider how big our God is, I have no qualms about opening my heart and my home to her and her baby.


So we are making a FAITH choice to follow where God leads us on this roller coaster adoption journey. And it is a big faith choice - I don't know how or when, but we will have a baby through adoption. And I look forward to every step of meeting our baby's mother, getting to know her (& possibly the father) and loving her, and loving the child she is graciously sharing with us. She will always be the first mommy because she will have loved him or her first. I hope we live up to her expectations because I know she has so many hopes and dreams for her baby.


Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. - Hebrews 11:1

Auburn vs. Clemson

We went to Auburn a couple of weeks ago to watch them play Clemson. We had the best time!! The game was awesome and it was great to see Auburn come back and beat Clemson in the 2nd half! We also got to visit with Jason's best friend, Mike, and his mom went with us. It's always fun to hang out with both of them! I also got a couple of new Auburn shirts and one has the coolest mascot ever, "Aubie," on it! Here are a few pics from our trip!

Adoption Story - Part 1

So...how did we get here? We met 12 years ago at a local community college and fell in love. Early on we discussed that having children would be an obstacle for us. However, neither of us was really concerned about it at the time...we were still "kids" ourselves and had all the time in the world. We dated for 6 years, got married and here we are another 6 years down the road. The past 12 years have had their ups and downs but we have made it and have grown closer than we could have imagined. We have been talking about our options for starting our family. The only way we could have a baby of our own is via in vitro fertilization with intra-cytoplasmic sperm injection - that is just a lot of fancy words for a VERY expensive, complex procedure. Even this procedure is no guarantee. We could spend $15,000-$20,000 and have a baby or have nothing to show for our money except a lot of debt and a broken heart.

We have prayed about this so much and we really feel God pointing us toward adoption. We really didn't seriously start pursuing adoption until October, 2010. I began researching and talking to friends about how and where to start - It is amazing how God has put these special people in our path to help us with our adoption process. In the beginning it seemed like this never-ending ordeal that was going to cost a fortune...and it still does but more on that a little later. We have come so far yet still have a ways to go. But God has opened so many doors for us with perfect timing that it really confirms that this is His plan for us.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11