I find the whole concept of "raising another woman's child" more than daunting. For various reasons (mainly because God leads her to), she will choose us to raise her son or daughter. But she is and will always be his or her first mother. I often think about this very courageous, selfless woman who will willingly choose us to raise her child. I don't know what she looks like, where she lives, or what her personality is like but I do know she loves her baby and is choosing what is best for him or her. And I think that makes her an incredible person and an ever better mother. I consider myself more than honored to meet her and raise her child. She is giving us a gift from God that we could not receive otherwise. She is my hero.
Sadly, society has labeled birthmothers as women who abandon their children. I hear all too often: "I could never give up my baby." None of the people I have heard say that have ever walked a mile in a birthmother's shoes. And she is not "giving it up" or abandoning him or her. She is entrusting her child with another family to provide a life for him or her that she is not capable of doing at the present time. Birthmother's are not bad women or neglectful mothers. Yes, some of them have made bad choices, but who hasn't made bad choices? All of our choices have rewards or consequences. A baby may be a consequence of her actions but is certainly not a mistake. God made her baby just like He has made every other baby and God NEVER makes mistakes. I truly believe God will bless her beyond measure for choosing life for her baby instead of abortion. And I will be blessed to meet her, witness her courage and raise and love her child.
Our case worker at the adoption agency told me that most of their birthmothers already have one or more children and simply cannot afford to care for another one. So, courageously, they select an adoptive family to raise their baby. These women are not necessarily drug addicts, prostitutes or promiscuous women, or neglectful/abusive mothers. Remember, these women are freely placing their baby for adoption - NOT having their parental rights terminated. They have not done anything to warrant their child being taken from them. They are simply choosing a better life for their child than they can give them. I think that is selflessness epitomized.
Everyone has opinions, good or bad. I have heard more than my share of those since we began this adoption process. Society is so misinformed about adoption and birthmothers. I have heard more than one person say: "you don't want a baby from that kind of mother." "That kind" ranges from past drug abuse to not practicing safe sex. If someone judged my child on all of my past mistakes, they might not want mine either. In God's eyes her sins are no worse than mine. I see a woman who has made mistakes in the past but is trying to make good choices now. That is something I struggle with all the time. So, regardless of her past, there is a brand new life growing inside her that God miraculously created. When, I consider how big our God is, I have no qualms about opening my heart and my home to her and her baby.
So we are making a FAITH choice to follow where God leads us on this roller coaster adoption journey. And it is a big faith choice - I don't know how or when, but we will have a baby through adoption. And I look forward to every step of meeting our baby's mother, getting to know her (& possibly the father) and loving her, and loving the child she is graciously sharing with us. She will always be the first mommy because she will have loved him or her first. I hope we live up to her expectations because I know she has so many hopes and dreams for her baby.
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. - Hebrews 11:1
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