Garon has had his first real illness – a nasty ear infection. Poor baby didn’t start crying until it was just unbearable. The doctor said he had had the infection for several days and we just didn’t know it. He didn’t cry or have fever. However, he did show a few signs that now I realize were indications that he was getting sick. So, now we know what to look for if he gets another ear infection – and I’m sure he will. He also had his first diaper rash from the antibiotics but that is getting much better now. And to top it off, Daddy was out of town while he was sick…being a “single” parent with a sick baby is not easy. I have so much respect for all single moms out there! If my parents hadn’t helped out some I have no idea if we would have survived! But now Daddy is back and we are settling back into our comfortable routine as a family of three. Although Garon has been pretty sick, he still has lots of smiles and coos for us. He is the sweetest, happiest baby. We are beyond blessed to be his parents.
The past four months have been the happiest, scariest and most bittersweet of my entire life. I say bittersweet because my happiness came at such a high price for the special woman who gave Garon the gift of life. The night before we left to meet our sweet boy, we wrote a letter Garon’s birthparents. I was suddenly overwhelmed with sadness for the loss his birthmother was going to experience when she signed over her parental rights and the grief she would experience for the remainder of her life. I was sad for the birthfather too but my sadness was mostly for her…maybe because I am a woman too. She had the greatest bond with him because she physically carried him for 9 months. She was the one with the biggest burden. Although she was willingly placing Garon for adoption, her sadness and grief are very real and I think the birthmother’s pain gets overshadowed by the joy the adoptive families are experiencing. I hope she has begun to heal from the loss of this very special person who is now our son. However, I know her healing will take a lifetime.
A couple of weeks ago, I purchased Inconceivable by Carolyn and Sean Savage. It is one of the most moving stories I have ever read. They inadvertenly became pregnant with another couple’s embryo and decided to give the baby the gift of life and reliquish him to his biological parents at birth. They could have chosen to fight for custody of him but the law is on the side of biological parents and they didn’t feel right about not giving him to his biological parents. It seems so unfair that Carolyn could choose to terminate the pregnancy but she couldn’t keep the baby. She could kill him but not raise him. What kind of logic is that? Although their story significantly differs from Garon’s birthparents’ story, the pain of loss is still the same. The Savage’s story made the pain of Garon’s birthparents more real to me and helped me to appreciate even more the gift they gave to Garon, Jason and me. We are a family of three because of their selfless gift. They will probably never get over the loss of Garon. I know they have so many hopes and dreams for him and I hope that we meet and exceed their expectations as parents for the son they still love so much. I hope they will be proud of the man Garon will become and I hope the pictures and updates help to ease their pain just a little and give them peace about his well-being. From one mother to another, I am forever humbled and grateful for the beautiful son she shared with us. Garon has helped heal my very deep wounds of infertility and fill an unimaginable void in my heart. But sadly, my healing is at the cost of her sorrow. But I know God has a plan for her life just like he does for each of us and I know He is helping her heart heal.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
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