This is going to be a two-part post! I feel it's too long for a single post and I'm afraid I'll lose you before I'm done! :) It's a wonderful story and I hope it touches your heart as it has mine!
I have been asked some pretty tough questions by a close relative about my religious beliefs. And he's not the only one who has those questions...he was just honest and brave enough to ask them. I see people posting all kinds of things on Facebook regarding their religious beliefs that are not Christ-centered. It makes me really sad that many so easily believe when a speaker/author/scientist states that God doesn't exist. It takes a leap of faith to believe in his non-existence. So why not take a leap of faith and seek His face? You might be surprised what you find. However, believing in His existence is only the first step. He wants you to have a personal relationship with His Son so you can spend eternity with Him. But you have to open you heart and mind completely! Give it a chance! He loves us beyond our wildest imagination!
So here's the story I want to share with all of you! It's not the typical Gospel story and I hope it will help you see Jesus in another aspect of who He is!
The Back Story
Why are we separated from God? Why did Jesus have to be the atoning sacrifice? The answer to the first is sin. But some people don't think sin exists. All I can say about that is take a look at the prison population in America and I think it's pretty evident that it does. None of us is perfect and we all make mistakes. Unfortunately others pay for those mistakes sometimes. In Genesis 3 the fall of Man is outline for us. Because of Adam and Eve's disobedience we are separated from God. But what about Genesis 1 where Man was created to rule over the earth? Do we really reign over the earth today? I guess you could say in some ways we do. But no one lives forever and then someone else takes their job. Technically, the Earth is currently Satan's domain. He was cast to the earth after He tried to be more powerful than God. He is working steadily to try to thwart God's plan. He hasn't succeeded yet nor will he ever. God has a bigger plan and it's completely perfect. Here's how God takes the Earth back and provides for man to reign on Earth with His Son. As it was always meant to be! Jesus was NOT plan B. This story answers the question of why Jesus was our atoning sacrifice.
A Revelation - The Title Deed to the Earth
"Then I saw in the right hand of him who sat on the throne a scroll with writing on both sides and sealed with seven seals. And I saw a mighty angel proclaiming in a loud voice, "Who is worthy to break the seals and open the scroll?" But no one in heaven or on earth or under the earth could open the scroll or even look inside it. I wept and wept because no one was found who was worthy to open the scroll or look inside. Then one of the elders said to me, "Do not weep! See, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has triumphed. He is able to open the scroll and its seven seals. Then I saw a Lamb, looking as if it had been slain, standing in the center of the throne, encircled by the four living creatures and the elders. He had seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven spirits of God sent out into all the earth. He came and took the scroll from the right hand of him who sat on the throne. And when he had taken it, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb. Each one had a harp and they were holding golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of the saints. And they sang a new song: "You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because you were slain, and with your blood you purchased men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation. You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God, and they will reign on the earth." Revelation 5:1-10
A Love Story - Introduction
The Book of Ruth is a classic love story of loyalty and devotion and yet it also contains some surprising insights that go far beyond the historical narrative itself.
We get a glimpse into life in ancient Bethlehem. This is very important considering Bethlehem is also the Town of David and the city where Jesus would be born centuries later. This glimpse includes the Laws of Gleaning, Levirate Marriage and Redemption.
The main characters are significant representations of Jesus, Israel, the Holy Spirit and The Church. This is especially important because The Church is not actually revealed in the Old Testament.
The introduction of the “Kinsman Redeemer.” This aspect of the story is vital to understanding Revelation 5.
To be continued...you'll love the story of Ruth and Boaz!
References:
Chuck Missler's Ruth Commentary
Genesis 1; 3
Ruth 1-4
Revelation 1
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
A Heavy Heart
Becoming a parent (biologically or by adoption) changes everything. We all know that. No one can prepare you for parenthood...it just doesn't happen that way. Our family is no different...I'm no exception. Garon has brought more joy to us than we could ever have imagined. But he also brought with him this incredible responsibility that has scared me to death. Over the past few months he had really soaked up everything in the world around him. He repeats actions and phrases as though he knows exactly what he's doing...and maybe he does. It has made me stop and think about EVERYTHING I say and do. It's like he's a little walking conscience! This is one of those surprises I wasn't prepared for. I don't want him to suffer for mistakes I have made and will continue to make in raising him. I am constantly asking God not to let me mess this up because I know I'm quite capable of it.
I think most of us have our parents on a pedestal mostly because the love shared between a parent and child is like no other. Although I know my parents are not perfect by any means I definitely feel very blessed to be their daughter. I hope Garon will feel that way about us when he's an adult. My parents lived an incredible Christian example in front of my sister and me. We are Christians because they ensured we met Jesus through them and at church. Garon's salvation is my main priority. When Garon accepts Jesus as his Savior I will know the most important part of my Mama-job will have been completed. But then I will have the responsibility of making sure he understands that being a child of God is a daily walk. I think that is the toughest part. It's easy to say I'm a Christian but living it day in and day out is tough. Things happen and we get distracted. We lose our footing and slip into bad habits. We all do it. I'm so thankful that Jesus has promised to help me and catch me when I fall...and mostly hold me accountable when I make mistakes. He doesn't promise an easy road but He will be there every step of the way.
I think part of the reason this has bothered me so much lately is that I see and hear so many worldly things being brought into the Church. Shouldn't it be the other way around? I want Garon to go to Church to worship not be entertained with various multimedia presentations and the latest and greatest playground equipment. None of that gets you to Heaven. There's a time and a place for everything and it really concerns me that the Church, ours included, is being diluted with worldly activities. We have replaced quality Bible study with watching DVDs. When did that become the standard? I don't think they are all bad but I also believe that it is not a replacement for digging into The Word itself with fellow believers. The Body of Christ and the world is starving for the Gospel but it has become unpopular to preach it and live it. It makes me really sad. We all deserve better than that and most importantly, God deserves better.
So, after that little tangent, I'm very concerned about the world my son will grow up in. As Christians we are continuously being argued down by believers & non-believers who are very convincing because we don't possess the Bible knowledge we need to stand against it. That terrifies me for Garon. Will he get bogged down in the lukewarm Christianity or have a daily walk with God? The odds of this world are against him. But my earnest prayer is that he will be a "man after God's own heart" and that the light of Jesus will shine in every aspect of his life. I know Jesus doesn't always shine in mine but I hope others will see some semblance of his grace in me. It's the least I can do for the Savior who died to set me free.
If you've never experience the intimate walk with Jesus, I can assure you there is no describing the love, peace and joy that comes with it.
I hope this does not sound like a holier-than-thou sermon. I just have carried this burden around for a few months and felt I should share it with fellow parents.
Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son [to be] the propitiation for our sins. 1 John 4:10
Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. John 14:6
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. Matthew 5:16
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6
-love-
Laura
I think most of us have our parents on a pedestal mostly because the love shared between a parent and child is like no other. Although I know my parents are not perfect by any means I definitely feel very blessed to be their daughter. I hope Garon will feel that way about us when he's an adult. My parents lived an incredible Christian example in front of my sister and me. We are Christians because they ensured we met Jesus through them and at church. Garon's salvation is my main priority. When Garon accepts Jesus as his Savior I will know the most important part of my Mama-job will have been completed. But then I will have the responsibility of making sure he understands that being a child of God is a daily walk. I think that is the toughest part. It's easy to say I'm a Christian but living it day in and day out is tough. Things happen and we get distracted. We lose our footing and slip into bad habits. We all do it. I'm so thankful that Jesus has promised to help me and catch me when I fall...and mostly hold me accountable when I make mistakes. He doesn't promise an easy road but He will be there every step of the way.
I think part of the reason this has bothered me so much lately is that I see and hear so many worldly things being brought into the Church. Shouldn't it be the other way around? I want Garon to go to Church to worship not be entertained with various multimedia presentations and the latest and greatest playground equipment. None of that gets you to Heaven. There's a time and a place for everything and it really concerns me that the Church, ours included, is being diluted with worldly activities. We have replaced quality Bible study with watching DVDs. When did that become the standard? I don't think they are all bad but I also believe that it is not a replacement for digging into The Word itself with fellow believers. The Body of Christ and the world is starving for the Gospel but it has become unpopular to preach it and live it. It makes me really sad. We all deserve better than that and most importantly, God deserves better.
So, after that little tangent, I'm very concerned about the world my son will grow up in. As Christians we are continuously being argued down by believers & non-believers who are very convincing because we don't possess the Bible knowledge we need to stand against it. That terrifies me for Garon. Will he get bogged down in the lukewarm Christianity or have a daily walk with God? The odds of this world are against him. But my earnest prayer is that he will be a "man after God's own heart" and that the light of Jesus will shine in every aspect of his life. I know Jesus doesn't always shine in mine but I hope others will see some semblance of his grace in me. It's the least I can do for the Savior who died to set me free.
If you've never experience the intimate walk with Jesus, I can assure you there is no describing the love, peace and joy that comes with it.
I hope this does not sound like a holier-than-thou sermon. I just have carried this burden around for a few months and felt I should share it with fellow parents.
Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son [to be] the propitiation for our sins. 1 John 4:10
Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. John 14:6
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. Matthew 5:16
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6
-love-
Laura
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Forever Ours
As of Friday, June 17, 2011, Garon is legally our son. We are forever grateful that God chose us to be his parents and we are humbled by His perfect plan for bringing him to us. We are also very grateful to everyone who made it possible for us - financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually - to embark on this amazing adoption journey. As I sat in church this morning, I thought how miraculous it is that we are his family and that without God's intervention he most likely would not have been in church this morning. I believe God has a very special plan for his life and I'm honored to be a part of it.
When our attorney's office called Wednesday the 15th to see if we could finalize two days later, we were shocked. We never dreamed the chancellor could see us so quickly. Adoption hearings are considered ex parte and cases are heard on a first come, first serve basis. So, we arrived at 8:00 hoping to be one of the first cases. Our attorney came out of the office and said we were first...we were so excited!!!! We went back to the chancellor's chambers, were sworn in and he signed the order stating that we are his forever parents and legally changing his name to the name we have given him. His signing the order seemed so simple compared to all we've been through over the past 15 months.
The entire day was wonderful - it really was one the best days ever. Our families and our social worker were able to be at the hearing with us making the day even more special. And Garon was absolutely perfect the entire time. We are so proud of him and the person he will become. People keep telling us how lucky & blessed he is - but I feel it's we who are blessed. He has forever changed us and we love him more each day. I'm not sure when it happened but his life has become vital to mine. I just don't think my heart would beat without him.
Baby boy, you are more loved than you can know!!
When our attorney's office called Wednesday the 15th to see if we could finalize two days later, we were shocked. We never dreamed the chancellor could see us so quickly. Adoption hearings are considered ex parte and cases are heard on a first come, first serve basis. So, we arrived at 8:00 hoping to be one of the first cases. Our attorney came out of the office and said we were first...we were so excited!!!! We went back to the chancellor's chambers, were sworn in and he signed the order stating that we are his forever parents and legally changing his name to the name we have given him. His signing the order seemed so simple compared to all we've been through over the past 15 months.
The entire day was wonderful - it really was one the best days ever. Our families and our social worker were able to be at the hearing with us making the day even more special. And Garon was absolutely perfect the entire time. We are so proud of him and the person he will become. People keep telling us how lucky & blessed he is - but I feel it's we who are blessed. He has forever changed us and we love him more each day. I'm not sure when it happened but his life has become vital to mine. I just don't think my heart would beat without him.
Baby boy, you are more loved than you can know!!
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11
Monday, June 6, 2011
The Best 6 Months of My Life
As I sit here holding my sweet boy, I can’t believe he will be 6 months old Friday! It seems so impossible!!! I keep asking myself what happened to the tiny newborn he once was. He is now my sitting, baby food-eating, spitting, laughing, noise-making, cooing, talking, playing, rolling, wiggling, scooting baby boy. He has changed so much over the past few weeks and has really come out of shell. He is constantly making a noise of some kind and he finds it quite entertaining. I took him to the doctor last week for a cold and he weighed 16 lbs. 7 oz. and was 25 inches long. He has grown so much and has the cutest chubby baby legs ever!
June is a very special month for several reasons. Not only will Garon be 6 months old, but Granna has a birthday, Jason will have his very first Father’s Day, and we get to finalize the adoption! Everything is complete - we are just waiting for a hearing date with the judge. It seems so strange that a year ago we didn’t even know about Garon and now we have come to the point where a judge will declare him forever-legally ours! There are no words to express how I feel about that. However, most of the time I forget that he isn’t legally ours yet. It’s kinda weird…we’ve cared for this little person for 6 months while the adoption agency actually has custody of him. I have come to think of myself as his Mama now. It was hard for me to stop thinking of his birthmother as his mom. I don’t know why since she doesn’t live anywhere near us. I have no idea if that’s normal or not! But that feeling has faded.
Please pray for our family as we prepare for the final step in the adoption process and as we continue on our journey as a family of three. We are blessed beyond anything we ever hoped for!
Here are some recent pictures of our baby boy! We are completely smitten with him!
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1
June is a very special month for several reasons. Not only will Garon be 6 months old, but Granna has a birthday, Jason will have his very first Father’s Day, and we get to finalize the adoption! Everything is complete - we are just waiting for a hearing date with the judge. It seems so strange that a year ago we didn’t even know about Garon and now we have come to the point where a judge will declare him forever-legally ours! There are no words to express how I feel about that. However, most of the time I forget that he isn’t legally ours yet. It’s kinda weird…we’ve cared for this little person for 6 months while the adoption agency actually has custody of him. I have come to think of myself as his Mama now. It was hard for me to stop thinking of his birthmother as his mom. I don’t know why since she doesn’t live anywhere near us. I have no idea if that’s normal or not! But that feeling has faded.
Please pray for our family as we prepare for the final step in the adoption process and as we continue on our journey as a family of three. We are blessed beyond anything we ever hoped for!
Here are some recent pictures of our baby boy! We are completely smitten with him!
Friday, June 3, 2011
The Fragrance of Worship
Those who know me well, know that I’m an avid reader. I love a great story whether fiction or non-fiction, religious or secular. I recently read I Will Carry You by Angie Smith (an eloquently written story of finding joy through grief). In this book she weaves the story of Lazarus in with the story of her daughter, Audrey. Her re-telling of the story of Lazarus opened my eyes and my heart to completely new aspects faith, worship and how much we are truly loved by the Savior who gave His life so we could spend eternity with Him. Anyway…if you tend to get weepy, get a Kleenex handy!
Disclaimer: I can’t tell the story as well as she did!!!
First of all, I encourage you to go back and read the story of Lazarus in the Bible which can be found in John 11 & 12.
Ok…now that you’re back! Let’s dig in!!!
For a little time perspective, these events take place shortly before the Triumphal Entry (when Jesus presents Himself as The King of the Jews – fulfilled on the exact date prophesied in Daniel 9:25 – which is a story for another time). He was crucified less than a week later.
When Mary & Martha sent the message to Jesus regarding Lazarus’ illness, the message simply said: “Lord, behold, he whom you love is sick.” There is so much faith in this simple statement. First of all they addressed Jesus as “Lord” which lets us know that they know He is the Son of God. And that is followed by “he whom you love is sick.” They didn’t say the one who loves you or tell Jesus it was Lazarus. This indicates they knew Jesus would know exactly of whom they were speaking. And they knew Jesus loved Lazarus. And the statement was just that – a statement. There were no specific requests. Their faith in Jesus was that He would know what to do with the information with which they provided Him. We so often give God a laundry list of things we want Him to do to solve our problem – regardless of what that problem is. I don’t think I have ever just told God the problem and just sat back and waited to see what He would do. I always have various solutions and I tell Him what I would like for Him to do to fix it!!! I know I was very guilty of this with our adoption. I poured out my heart to God all the things I wished for our child. I do believe God cares what is in our hearts whether it is faith or doubt. He knows our human nature and loves us as we are. But He also knows what is best for us without our help. And yes, God answered so many of the prayers I had prayed but He also answered ones I didn’t know to pray for. And that’s what Jesus did here with Mary and Martha’s request – they just couldn’t see it yet.
When Jesus received their message he waited two days before leaving where He was to go to Judea – where they were. In John 11:4 Jesus said “…This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.” When Jesus arrived at the gate of the city He already knew Lazarus had died. Both Mary and Martha greeted Jesus (separately) with tears telling Him that if He had been there sooner Lazarus would still be alive. But they also told Him they still believed that the Father would do anything He asked of Him. Jesus said to Martha in John 11:25-26 “…I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die…” When Mary comes to Jesus and He sees her tears and the tears of the Jews who were present, He weeps. He was not crying because Lazarus was dead - He knew he would be resurrected shortly. He was greatly saddened by the fact that they couldn’t know what He knew. He was sad because of our separation from Him. But in just a few days, He would be crucified and bear our sin so that sin would no longer separate us from Him.
When they reached the tomb, Jesus instructed them to roll the stone away from the tomb. But Martha told Jesus there would be an odor because Lazarus had been dead for four days. Then in verse 40 “Jesus said to her, ‘Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?’” How often to we offer excuses not to be obedient and roll the stone away because we are afraid of the “odor” beyond the stone? And by not doing so we miss out on seeing “the glory of God.” But they followed Jesus’ command and rolled the stone away. And in order that those present would believe that He was the Son of God, he commanded Lazarus to come out of the tomb…and he did!!! And everyone present saw “the glory of God.”
In John 12:1-8, they gave a dinner for Jesus following Lazarus’ resurrection. This is six days before Passover (Jesus was crucified on Passover). Martha served the dinner while Mary anointed Jesus’ feet with oil. John 12:3 reads “Mary therefore took a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.” At a time when women were not allowed to show their hair in front of men, Mary took her hair down and wiped the feet of her Savior with her hair. She laid it all on the altar for Him. Her actions were not of disrespect but of pure worship. He had raised her brother from the dead and she was simply worshiping Him for who He is. And the house was filled with the fragrance of her worship.
A pound of perfume is A LOT. Our perfume bottles today are measured in fluid ounces. Can you imagine how strong the fragrance would be if you broke one of your perfume bottles in your house? The perfumes in Jesus’ time were especially strong (and very expensive – the perfume Mary used could have been sold for 300 denarii) because people did not bathe daily like we do. The fragrance would last several days and a little would go a long way. Nevertheless, Mary used a pound of perfume. Judas admonished Mary for being wasteful with the expensive perfume. But Jesus told him to leave her alone so that she could keep the remaining oil for his burial.
The following day Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey – The Triumphal Entry. When He rode into town He carried the scent of her worship. When He was crucified a few days later, He was still carrying the scent of her worship. When Mary visited with family and friends following Jesus’ death, she also carried the scent of her worship in her hair. Everywhere she went the fragrance was with her. As she mourned her Savior, the fragrance of her worship surrounded her. Do we carry the fragrance of our worship with us? Do others see evidence of us having been with our Savior? Do we carry that fragrance in good times and in bad? Sometimes we have to roll the stone away to see “the glory of God.” I have truly seen “the glory of God” in the gift of my son. I hope each time you roll your stones away you will see His glory as well!
“He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” Ephesians 3:20
Disclaimer: I can’t tell the story as well as she did!!!
First of all, I encourage you to go back and read the story of Lazarus in the Bible which can be found in John 11 & 12.
Ok…now that you’re back! Let’s dig in!!!
For a little time perspective, these events take place shortly before the Triumphal Entry (when Jesus presents Himself as The King of the Jews – fulfilled on the exact date prophesied in Daniel 9:25 – which is a story for another time). He was crucified less than a week later.
When Mary & Martha sent the message to Jesus regarding Lazarus’ illness, the message simply said: “Lord, behold, he whom you love is sick.” There is so much faith in this simple statement. First of all they addressed Jesus as “Lord” which lets us know that they know He is the Son of God. And that is followed by “he whom you love is sick.” They didn’t say the one who loves you or tell Jesus it was Lazarus. This indicates they knew Jesus would know exactly of whom they were speaking. And they knew Jesus loved Lazarus. And the statement was just that – a statement. There were no specific requests. Their faith in Jesus was that He would know what to do with the information with which they provided Him. We so often give God a laundry list of things we want Him to do to solve our problem – regardless of what that problem is. I don’t think I have ever just told God the problem and just sat back and waited to see what He would do. I always have various solutions and I tell Him what I would like for Him to do to fix it!!! I know I was very guilty of this with our adoption. I poured out my heart to God all the things I wished for our child. I do believe God cares what is in our hearts whether it is faith or doubt. He knows our human nature and loves us as we are. But He also knows what is best for us without our help. And yes, God answered so many of the prayers I had prayed but He also answered ones I didn’t know to pray for. And that’s what Jesus did here with Mary and Martha’s request – they just couldn’t see it yet.
When Jesus received their message he waited two days before leaving where He was to go to Judea – where they were. In John 11:4 Jesus said “…This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.” When Jesus arrived at the gate of the city He already knew Lazarus had died. Both Mary and Martha greeted Jesus (separately) with tears telling Him that if He had been there sooner Lazarus would still be alive. But they also told Him they still believed that the Father would do anything He asked of Him. Jesus said to Martha in John 11:25-26 “…I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die…” When Mary comes to Jesus and He sees her tears and the tears of the Jews who were present, He weeps. He was not crying because Lazarus was dead - He knew he would be resurrected shortly. He was greatly saddened by the fact that they couldn’t know what He knew. He was sad because of our separation from Him. But in just a few days, He would be crucified and bear our sin so that sin would no longer separate us from Him.
When they reached the tomb, Jesus instructed them to roll the stone away from the tomb. But Martha told Jesus there would be an odor because Lazarus had been dead for four days. Then in verse 40 “Jesus said to her, ‘Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?’” How often to we offer excuses not to be obedient and roll the stone away because we are afraid of the “odor” beyond the stone? And by not doing so we miss out on seeing “the glory of God.” But they followed Jesus’ command and rolled the stone away. And in order that those present would believe that He was the Son of God, he commanded Lazarus to come out of the tomb…and he did!!! And everyone present saw “the glory of God.”
In John 12:1-8, they gave a dinner for Jesus following Lazarus’ resurrection. This is six days before Passover (Jesus was crucified on Passover). Martha served the dinner while Mary anointed Jesus’ feet with oil. John 12:3 reads “Mary therefore took a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.” At a time when women were not allowed to show their hair in front of men, Mary took her hair down and wiped the feet of her Savior with her hair. She laid it all on the altar for Him. Her actions were not of disrespect but of pure worship. He had raised her brother from the dead and she was simply worshiping Him for who He is. And the house was filled with the fragrance of her worship.
A pound of perfume is A LOT. Our perfume bottles today are measured in fluid ounces. Can you imagine how strong the fragrance would be if you broke one of your perfume bottles in your house? The perfumes in Jesus’ time were especially strong (and very expensive – the perfume Mary used could have been sold for 300 denarii) because people did not bathe daily like we do. The fragrance would last several days and a little would go a long way. Nevertheless, Mary used a pound of perfume. Judas admonished Mary for being wasteful with the expensive perfume. But Jesus told him to leave her alone so that she could keep the remaining oil for his burial.
The following day Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey – The Triumphal Entry. When He rode into town He carried the scent of her worship. When He was crucified a few days later, He was still carrying the scent of her worship. When Mary visited with family and friends following Jesus’ death, she also carried the scent of her worship in her hair. Everywhere she went the fragrance was with her. As she mourned her Savior, the fragrance of her worship surrounded her. Do we carry the fragrance of our worship with us? Do others see evidence of us having been with our Savior? Do we carry that fragrance in good times and in bad? Sometimes we have to roll the stone away to see “the glory of God.” I have truly seen “the glory of God” in the gift of my son. I hope each time you roll your stones away you will see His glory as well!
“He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” Ephesians 3:20
Thursday, May 26, 2011
He's coming...
2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.
This is today's verse on Daily Bible. It is one of my absolute favorites. It is a window into God's love for us. We as Christians sometimes say we wish Jesus would hurry and come get us. I am definitely looking forward to that day. But we shouldn't rush Him. He is patiently waiting for all those who will walk with Him and invite Him into their hearts. He loves us all so much that He doesn't want a single one of us to perish. But at some point time will run out. Is He still waiting for you?
This is today's verse on Daily Bible. It is one of my absolute favorites. It is a window into God's love for us. We as Christians sometimes say we wish Jesus would hurry and come get us. I am definitely looking forward to that day. But we shouldn't rush Him. He is patiently waiting for all those who will walk with Him and invite Him into their hearts. He loves us all so much that He doesn't want a single one of us to perish. But at some point time will run out. Is He still waiting for you?
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Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Baby Blues
I personally know more than a dozen women who have suffered from infertility or have lost at least one child by miscarriage or stillbirth. These women are not internet acquaintances but women who are friends, co-workers and family members. Maybe it’s just me, but that’s a lot considering I’m not an extremely socially-active person. One of those friends emailed me on Facebook several weeks ago about her experiences with infertility and how reading about my experience has helped her. Although, I hoped my blog would help someone in someway, I never really expected it to. Since it has helped her, I hope that God has used my blog to comfort others as well. So this blog post is dedicated to my sweet friend who is suffering so greatly but is walking by faith on this very difficult journey.
If you have never suffered any of the above-mentioned heartaches, I hope you never do. However, no one can begin to imagine the private pain and suffering we have been through. Part of me wonders if we ever completely heal from it. It think maybe it leaves scars to show us how far we’ve come...especially where Jesus has carried us. Obviously, some of us have deeper scars than others and we all handle the grief differently. And yes, grief. Many people don’t realize that with infertility there is a significant amount grieving. We all associate grief with the loss of a baby but maybe not with the loss of the hope for a baby. Hope is so vital to our very being that without hope it is quite easy to find yourself quickly slipping into despair. I am a living, breathing testament that God’s love carried me though those dark days. I am still amazed by how much He loves me because I definitely do not deserve it. He answered EVERY prayer with His perfect plan with His perfect timing. I’m completely baffled by how non-Christians go through life without a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. How do they make it during tough times without Him in their hearts? How do they make sense of a personal loss or natural disaster?
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4
Unfortunately, grief is something we all become acquainted with at some point in our lives. Each person grieves differently and for various reasons. We mostly associate grief with the death of someone we love – a parent, grandparent, sibling, spouse, child, friend or pet. My personal experiences with grieving have consisted of burying two grandparents, an infant cousin, 3 beloved pets and my dream of having a biological child.
Not that I think I could ever really prepare for grieving my family members and pets who have gone to heaven but it is a very natural grieving experience – one that everyone expects and understands. However, I was not at all prepared for the extraordinarily profound grief I would experience when burying my dream of having a biological child.
I have always wanted a child. I have never really thought about how many children I would have just that I wanted to have them. The natural thoughts of every woman is that you get pregnant and give birth to a biological child. That’s how we are designed and it’s supposed to work that way. I have known for more than 12 years that it would be difficult, if not impossible, for us to have a baby of our own. But, when you are 18 years old and not ready for a baby it feels differently than it does when you are 30 and ready for one.
One by one family members and friends were having babies and my desire for that mother-baby bond was growing stronger. I had researched options for us having a biological child. The only procedure I could find that had been successful for couples where the male spouse has Kartagener’s Syndrome was IVF with intracytoplasmic sperm injection. In April 2008, my OB-GYN tested my husband and confirmed this would be our only option for having our own child. We were not devastated by this news – we expected it. We were really just in the beginning stages of talking about “starting a family.” We talked about this option and adoption. Both were very expensive and we were very apprehensive about the IVF procedure. We were concerned about passing on a genetic condition to our child and IVF increases that risk. We did not want to knowingly create a baby with a birth defect of any kind, especially knowing the family history.
At what point did the grief really begin? I’m not really sure. I know that each time someone I knew announced their new addition my heart ached a little more. It isn’t that I wasn’t happy for them – I was just sad for us. Sad that we weren’t experiencing the joy that comes with knowing that you will soon be parents to a perfect bundle of joy. I soon realized that the other women I knew were so overjoyed with their exciting news that they seemed to forget the sadness of our situation. I don’t think it was purposefully overlooked at all. We all get caught up in ourselves and our own lives and we forget about the pain others are experiencing. I am guilty of that too. I also tried very hard to put on a very brave face and not let my emotions show. I was very private about our experience and that may have contributed to some of the unintentional unkind words. I was grieving and didn’t even realize it. I look back now and see the progression of that grief and wonder if I had recognized it for what it was maybe I would not have had the major meltdown I experienced several months ago.
My world came to a crashing halt when a family member announced her pregnancy with very little thought or consideration for my feelings. I was happy for her just really disappointed in her. I know she was happy and wanted to share that with me. I just wasn’t at a place where I could do that yet. I needed a little time to absorb the news. If she had told me her exciting news with more compassion I do think I would have accepted it better. But I’ll never know. In the following months, I experienced some of the darkest days I have ever known. I hope I never feel that gut-wrenching pain ever again. It was the ever-present reminder that I would not have a biological child.
I was grieving very deeply – not only for a baby but for a family that didn’t understand my grief. None of them knew how to help me or understand me because none of them had experienced the grief of infertility. I know they prayed for me and for that I am extremely grateful. The home study was finally complete and we were waiting to get on the active family waiting list. My family couldn’t understand why I wasn’t super excited about that. It isn’t that I wasn’t excited about it. I was very happy that the home study was complete and we had moved to the next step. But it’s so different from being pregnant. We didn’t have a specific date that we were expecting our baby to be born. So, planning for our baby was a bit different from biological parents. I wanted to share some of my happiness with my family but it seemed so pointless. I almost felt silly making some preparations because we didn’t know how long we would wait. I definitely didn’t want an empty nursery and we didn’t know if we would have a girl or boy.
And then you have those well-meaning people who think they are cheering you up or being funny by making jokes about your not having a baby. I have heard more inappropriate comments regarding “baby-making” than I ever care to hear. And others tell you that not being able to have a baby isn’t the end of the world. But it definitely feels like it. Really, I don’t think there is much you can say to someone experiencing infertility that really helps.
I had never felt more alone in my entire life. I didn’t want to talk to my husband about it. I didn’t want him to feel that I blamed him for our not being able to have a baby. It is not his fault…it just happened that way. I don’t blame him at all. And given the choice between him and a child I would choose him every time. I already loved him and in my heart he was, is and always will be irreplaceable. I also don’t blame God either. He does allow things to happen in our lives. I have never thought God was punishing us. However, I had no idea the indescribable blessing He had planned for us. At some point I reached the darkest day I had ever had. I picked up my Bible and opened it. My eyes locked on this verse: “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18 God revealed to me in that moment that He had not left my side. In the midst of my grief I just didn’t see him. I held on the that verse and still lean on it today. I remember how He displayed his love for me that night by showing me that verse.
I had many more bumpy days that were very hard but the light began to seep back into my life the night I read that verse. The worst was the 3 weeks we were uncertain about Garon’s birthmom changing her mind. Then when we found out she still wanted to follow through with the adoption but her doctor would not induce until she was 2 weeks late (which would have been Christmas Eve). But Garon was born on the perfect day God appointed for him. We still do not know why her doctor decided to induce just 1 day past his due date…but whatever his reason God designed it.
God answered all my prayers when Garon was born. And I see God’s love every time I look at my beautiful son. My grief still exists. But it’s more of a pinch not the severe empty ache it once was. My grief is now more from the experience and now knowing the happiness I have with Garon is at another woman’s expense. I believe with all my heart we made the right choice in choosing adoption. But as a fellow adoptive mother said: “The process of adopting a child pushes your personal envelope as a woman, as a mother, and ultimately, as a human being. It takes more courage than you think you have, offers more self-knowledge than you think you want, and reassembles your characteristics into someone familiar, but changed.” - Jana Wolff, Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother
I don’t know your personal story but if infertility has been a burden for you, don’t be afraid of pursuing adoption. It is another option to fill your desperately empty arms. Our social worker told us that a decision regarding adoption is sometimes as simple as deciding if you want to be pregnant or want to be a parent.
Here are a couple of websites/blogs that were helpful to me…I hope they will be helpful to you as well!
www.rebekahpinchback.blogspot.com - Rebekah talks about her grief, her adopted son and her relationship with her son’s birth mom
www.godspeakstoday.net - Sandy has a tremendous testimony and great food for thought
www.devotions.proverbs31.org - Great devotions
Healed by grace,
Laura
If you have never suffered any of the above-mentioned heartaches, I hope you never do. However, no one can begin to imagine the private pain and suffering we have been through. Part of me wonders if we ever completely heal from it. It think maybe it leaves scars to show us how far we’ve come...especially where Jesus has carried us. Obviously, some of us have deeper scars than others and we all handle the grief differently. And yes, grief. Many people don’t realize that with infertility there is a significant amount grieving. We all associate grief with the loss of a baby but maybe not with the loss of the hope for a baby. Hope is so vital to our very being that without hope it is quite easy to find yourself quickly slipping into despair. I am a living, breathing testament that God’s love carried me though those dark days. I am still amazed by how much He loves me because I definitely do not deserve it. He answered EVERY prayer with His perfect plan with His perfect timing. I’m completely baffled by how non-Christians go through life without a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. How do they make it during tough times without Him in their hearts? How do they make sense of a personal loss or natural disaster?
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4
Unfortunately, grief is something we all become acquainted with at some point in our lives. Each person grieves differently and for various reasons. We mostly associate grief with the death of someone we love – a parent, grandparent, sibling, spouse, child, friend or pet. My personal experiences with grieving have consisted of burying two grandparents, an infant cousin, 3 beloved pets and my dream of having a biological child.
Not that I think I could ever really prepare for grieving my family members and pets who have gone to heaven but it is a very natural grieving experience – one that everyone expects and understands. However, I was not at all prepared for the extraordinarily profound grief I would experience when burying my dream of having a biological child.
I have always wanted a child. I have never really thought about how many children I would have just that I wanted to have them. The natural thoughts of every woman is that you get pregnant and give birth to a biological child. That’s how we are designed and it’s supposed to work that way. I have known for more than 12 years that it would be difficult, if not impossible, for us to have a baby of our own. But, when you are 18 years old and not ready for a baby it feels differently than it does when you are 30 and ready for one.
One by one family members and friends were having babies and my desire for that mother-baby bond was growing stronger. I had researched options for us having a biological child. The only procedure I could find that had been successful for couples where the male spouse has Kartagener’s Syndrome was IVF with intracytoplasmic sperm injection. In April 2008, my OB-GYN tested my husband and confirmed this would be our only option for having our own child. We were not devastated by this news – we expected it. We were really just in the beginning stages of talking about “starting a family.” We talked about this option and adoption. Both were very expensive and we were very apprehensive about the IVF procedure. We were concerned about passing on a genetic condition to our child and IVF increases that risk. We did not want to knowingly create a baby with a birth defect of any kind, especially knowing the family history.
At what point did the grief really begin? I’m not really sure. I know that each time someone I knew announced their new addition my heart ached a little more. It isn’t that I wasn’t happy for them – I was just sad for us. Sad that we weren’t experiencing the joy that comes with knowing that you will soon be parents to a perfect bundle of joy. I soon realized that the other women I knew were so overjoyed with their exciting news that they seemed to forget the sadness of our situation. I don’t think it was purposefully overlooked at all. We all get caught up in ourselves and our own lives and we forget about the pain others are experiencing. I am guilty of that too. I also tried very hard to put on a very brave face and not let my emotions show. I was very private about our experience and that may have contributed to some of the unintentional unkind words. I was grieving and didn’t even realize it. I look back now and see the progression of that grief and wonder if I had recognized it for what it was maybe I would not have had the major meltdown I experienced several months ago.
My world came to a crashing halt when a family member announced her pregnancy with very little thought or consideration for my feelings. I was happy for her just really disappointed in her. I know she was happy and wanted to share that with me. I just wasn’t at a place where I could do that yet. I needed a little time to absorb the news. If she had told me her exciting news with more compassion I do think I would have accepted it better. But I’ll never know. In the following months, I experienced some of the darkest days I have ever known. I hope I never feel that gut-wrenching pain ever again. It was the ever-present reminder that I would not have a biological child.
I was grieving very deeply – not only for a baby but for a family that didn’t understand my grief. None of them knew how to help me or understand me because none of them had experienced the grief of infertility. I know they prayed for me and for that I am extremely grateful. The home study was finally complete and we were waiting to get on the active family waiting list. My family couldn’t understand why I wasn’t super excited about that. It isn’t that I wasn’t excited about it. I was very happy that the home study was complete and we had moved to the next step. But it’s so different from being pregnant. We didn’t have a specific date that we were expecting our baby to be born. So, planning for our baby was a bit different from biological parents. I wanted to share some of my happiness with my family but it seemed so pointless. I almost felt silly making some preparations because we didn’t know how long we would wait. I definitely didn’t want an empty nursery and we didn’t know if we would have a girl or boy.
And then you have those well-meaning people who think they are cheering you up or being funny by making jokes about your not having a baby. I have heard more inappropriate comments regarding “baby-making” than I ever care to hear. And others tell you that not being able to have a baby isn’t the end of the world. But it definitely feels like it. Really, I don’t think there is much you can say to someone experiencing infertility that really helps.
I had never felt more alone in my entire life. I didn’t want to talk to my husband about it. I didn’t want him to feel that I blamed him for our not being able to have a baby. It is not his fault…it just happened that way. I don’t blame him at all. And given the choice between him and a child I would choose him every time. I already loved him and in my heart he was, is and always will be irreplaceable. I also don’t blame God either. He does allow things to happen in our lives. I have never thought God was punishing us. However, I had no idea the indescribable blessing He had planned for us. At some point I reached the darkest day I had ever had. I picked up my Bible and opened it. My eyes locked on this verse: “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18 God revealed to me in that moment that He had not left my side. In the midst of my grief I just didn’t see him. I held on the that verse and still lean on it today. I remember how He displayed his love for me that night by showing me that verse.
I had many more bumpy days that were very hard but the light began to seep back into my life the night I read that verse. The worst was the 3 weeks we were uncertain about Garon’s birthmom changing her mind. Then when we found out she still wanted to follow through with the adoption but her doctor would not induce until she was 2 weeks late (which would have been Christmas Eve). But Garon was born on the perfect day God appointed for him. We still do not know why her doctor decided to induce just 1 day past his due date…but whatever his reason God designed it.
God answered all my prayers when Garon was born. And I see God’s love every time I look at my beautiful son. My grief still exists. But it’s more of a pinch not the severe empty ache it once was. My grief is now more from the experience and now knowing the happiness I have with Garon is at another woman’s expense. I believe with all my heart we made the right choice in choosing adoption. But as a fellow adoptive mother said: “The process of adopting a child pushes your personal envelope as a woman, as a mother, and ultimately, as a human being. It takes more courage than you think you have, offers more self-knowledge than you think you want, and reassembles your characteristics into someone familiar, but changed.” - Jana Wolff, Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother
I don’t know your personal story but if infertility has been a burden for you, don’t be afraid of pursuing adoption. It is another option to fill your desperately empty arms. Our social worker told us that a decision regarding adoption is sometimes as simple as deciding if you want to be pregnant or want to be a parent.
Here are a couple of websites/blogs that were helpful to me…I hope they will be helpful to you as well!
www.rebekahpinchback.blogspot.com - Rebekah talks about her grief, her adopted son and her relationship with her son’s birth mom
www.godspeakstoday.net - Sandy has a tremendous testimony and great food for thought
www.devotions.proverbs31.org - Great devotions
Healed by grace,
Laura
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